It seems like yesterday we started the birth control for our IVF cycle. Actually it was January 2. These past weeks have flown by. I was pretty calm and relaxed until last night. Then I started to get a little anxious.
Today I went in for my last monitor and I am all set for egg retrieval on Wednesday. It is here, it is finally time.
I have been praying and listening to music all morning trying to calm my nerves. I know that God is in control and no amount of my worrying will change the outcome. I am going into this with hope and a lot of faith.
My main anxiety is that I have never been through what is about to happen, I dont know what to expect, how I will feel after retrieval. And Wednesday is my daughter’s fifth birthday. So tomorrow night she will spend the night with our close friends and wake up with them on her birthday. I know that they love her, and that she is going to be super excited to have a sleep over with her best friend on her birthday. But it breaks my heart that I do not get to wake my baby girl up that day. I wont be the first to wish her happy birthday… then I thought what if this works… and I get pregnant with triplets… and what if carrying triplets is to hard on my diabetes that it kills me… what if this is the last birthday I get to spend with my daughter… see I am in a major anxiety loop.
So apart from the anxiety I am ready for the stim shots to be over. I only have the left ovary but there is so much pressure. Tonight is my trigger at 7:45 pm. and I will be at work then so I will be giving myself the shots at work, fun fun.
Really I am okay. I am excited that retrieval is almost here. I am excited to hear that my egg quality is fabulous. Excited to hear that we have beautiful high quality embryos to put back. Excited to be pregnant until proven otherwise. And that the next time I am not going to be pregnant will be in December after I deliver healthy baby(ies).